Time to Move On

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Time to Move On Empty Time to Move On

Post  Soraya on Sat Apr 28, 2012 11:46 am

((OOC: Sorry, just another Sor/kid scene. This one's been running through my head for a /really/ long time and I finally had to give in and write it up lest it drive me insane. Hope no one minds. And don't think any less of Tom for crying Razz))

It was quiet out, but for the sound of the leaves rustling in the wind and the occasional distant sound of a hooting owl. And the crickets. There were certainly those out here, in their new home.

His mother would have sought out Tommen in this particular secluded area by the pond, even if she hadn’t been able to sense his presence there. But he hadn’t shielded, and she supposed that meant he was willing to at least sit with someone, despite his being particularly withdrawn. He always became particularly withdrawn on this day.

Soraya sat next to her eldest son and allowed him to acclimate to her presence in silence for some time, until she finally spoke.

“How old would she have been?”

Tommen sighed and shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’ve lost count.”

Soraya nodded, though they both knew that was a lie. He knew exactly how long it had been. Soraya wouldn’t have been surprised if he could pinpoint it down to the hour. The minute.

The redhead raised a hand to her son’s back and patted gently, allowing the silence to stretch a bit longer.

“I keep wondering what she would’ve looked like,” Tom finally admitted quietly. “Would she have had my dark hair? Her eyes? Would she have gotten her beautiful, just slightly crooked smile?” The words were thick, labored, as though it was painful to speak them, and Soraya didn’t doubt that they were.

“She would have been beautiful,” Soraya agreed, her heart aching for him. “She was beautiful.” The idea of losing any of her children was almost more than she could bear. The idea of losing her mate at the very same moment? It would have destroyed her as it had almost destroyed Tommen, who had tried to meet the sun when it had happened. And he would have succeeded, if his family had allowed it. Now he was simply left with facing countless anniversaries, days meant to be his daughter's birthday instead marking both hers and her mother's death.

Soraya couldn’t imagine ever wanting to move on from that, much in the same way Tommen refused to. And yet still, she wanted to see her son happy again, wanted to see him smile without the sadness in his eyes.

Resting her head against Tom’s shoulder, the redhead sighed, wishing she knew what to say to make it better. Most years that Tommen welcomed his mother’s company on this day, she had remained merely as a comforting presence, never saying anything. But something had to change. She felt as though they were stuck in a loop, this scene repeating over and over again in various forms. Soraya lifted her head and looked at her son sympathetically.

“It was not your fault.”

Tom looked momentarily startled at his mother’s words, as though he were surprised that perhaps she felt the need to tell him as much. For an empath, however, it wasn’t difficult to feel the guilt mixed in with his grief.

“Logically, I know,” he finally sighed in answer. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I was the one who… “ He lifted his eyes to his mother, haunted. “I was the one who got her pregnant. And I shouldn’t have. I should have known that with her genes, and mine, it wasn’t going to work, that…” His words choked off, pained.

“She wanted it too, Tom,” Soraya reminded him. “She was so happy when she realized you would have your family. It was only natural that the two of you, so in love, wanted to have your own children. Gods, even I wanted grandchildren,” she said, smiling at the memory of the two making their elated announcement. “These things simply… happen. Whether it is to a young couple who happen to have genetics that set them apart or to a so-called normal couple.”

She took Tom’s face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. “It was not your fault.”

When he tried to pull a way, she kept him steady. “No, Tom. You need to hear this, even if you do not want to. I have gone too long without saying it. It was not your fault. And Mina would never blame you for it.” Her features softened but she spoke with conviction as she continued, “And Mina would not want you living in shadow and grief for the rest of your days.”

At that, Tom did jerk free and turn. “Well, she’s not here to tell me as much, is she?” he stated angrily.

“No, you are right, she is not,” Soraya agreed, refusing to waver. “But though you carry the brunt of it, we all lost her, we all loved her, and we all knew her well enough to know that she is not the type of woman who would begrudge you another chance at happiness.” There was no way Tom would deny that much. “You died for her. If you had not been able to return, if the roles were reversed, would you have wanted her to spend the rest of her life grieving for you?”

Tom didn’t answer, though he shook his head nearly imperceptibly. “It’s not the same thing.”

Soraya sighed. “Yes, it is.” She took her eldest’s hand, then, squeezing it gently. “No one is saying that you should forget her, Tom. Forget them,” she tried to explain. “But perhaps it is time that you stop holding on to them so tightly.” When Tom didn’t answer, she continued, “You do Mina’s memory a disservice. Remembering her should bring you happiness, but the way you see things now, through centuries of self-imposed grief and guilt… it brings you pain instead. And allowing that to happen…” The redhead shook her head. “Tom, it would not be betrayal. Smiling again will never mean that you loved her any less.”

The vampire looked away, over the pond, in silence. Soraya could almost hear him thinking. Though he had always been the best behaved of her children, Tom was also the one who had most strongly inherited her own trait of stubbornness. And the one who had most strongly inherited his father's loyalty. She hoped that, in this case, these wouldn’t work against her, and, in the process, against him.

The emotions that swirled through him seemed to intensify, and she feared anger would be the one to win out, anger at her words and suggestions and at himself. Instead, it seemed, he relented to the sadness.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he finally admitted quietly, blinking back tears.

There was so much she could suggest; facing it instead of holding so tightly to it, acknowledging the grief as something he felt rather than simply thinking of it as part of himself… But one thing seemed important above all else.

She squeezed his hand again. “No one can tell you the absolute answer. I wish I could, but you are the one who must find it,” Soraya said finally. “But I can tell you that turning to those you trust instead of away from them helps.”

Tom nodded, but remained silent, as though considering retreating into himself again, so Soraya pressed on.

“You know that I am always here, should you ever, ever, need to talk,” she promised sincerely. “And if not to me, then seek someone else out, anyone with whom you feel comfortable. Perhaps to your father, or Michael, or one of your uncles.” She silently prayed he would do so. Given that Tom tended to clam up about his emotions rather than talk about them, she suspected that opening up would do wonders for him, and, she hoped, the rest would follow. At the very least, it would be a start.

Again, silence stretched for a few moments between them as Tom seemed to think his over his mother’s words. Or perhaps he was having that internal battle on what to say, or even how to say it. Removing the first stone from a dam was sometimes the hardest step to take, and Tom appeared to be struggling with exactly that.

He took a few jagged breaths, with false starts, before he finally said. “I miss her. Every day. I miss them.”

And that was it.

Suddenly, the typically stoic vampire was crying, and despite the fact that he was now taller and bigger than she was, Soraya gathered her son in her arm as best she could.

As he cried, she held him tightly, refusing to let go until this had passed, kissing him atop the head, and even crying with him as her heart broke for all he hurt.

She knew this wouldn’t fix things, that he wouldn’t suddenly be able to move on, but at least this was a place to start, and for even that much she was thankful.

Around them, the crickets continued chirping.


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Time to Move On Empty Re: Time to Move On

Post  Rowanna on Wed Oct 03, 2012 12:16 pm

Love it. Smile Keep going!!!!

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